Break Yo’ TV: Leonard Nimoy – “The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins”

“In the middle of the earth, in the land of shire lives a brave little hobbit who we all admire, with his long wooden pipe and his fuzzy woolly toes, he lives in a hobbit hole and everybody knows, it’s Bilbo!”

Tell me, of all the people on our planet, who might be the only one to look strange with normal shaped ears? Yes, gentle readers, Mr. Spock strikes us like a cobra in our eye with this amazing gem. It stings at first, but chicks will dig the eye patch, after all, pirates are still in, right? OK, maybe I can’t keep up with the cool kids anymore, but luckily I managed to dig up this awesome “What’s a Leonard Nimoy” button off of eBay, and while blissfully looking to find out more about this magic badge, I stumbled upon a video of such epic suckage, there wasn’t anything else to compare.

Let’s take a little bit of Star Trek, and then inject a healthy dose of Lord of the Rings, add some 60’s camp, a few creepy animalistic head movements from younger gals with pointy ears and voila! After stirring copiously for a few minutes, what you will behold is a sight before unseen. From the five grade attachment, to an AB, AB rhyme scheme, to the absolutely creep-tastic forehead to forehead singing scene, this Break Yo’ TV moment is brought to you by a nerd’s nerd; a retrospective glance into what had passed for entertainment 40+ years ago.

Who needs a story board when you have the (surprisingly good) baritone of Leonard Nimoy singing about something that’s close to all of our hearts, the hobbit. Those poor, fuzzy woolly toed hobbits. Me thinks that in order to write, direct, or even lip sync something of this magnitude I would need my long wooden pipe stuffed to the gills with a substance that shall go without description. What, this isn’t hardcore enough for you? Check out those “gang signs” Nimoy throws up in the bridge. That is so gangsta!! Peter Jackson, you better start taking some language lessons from our favorite space age star of yesteryear. I’m not talking Shatner. His singing, if you could call it that, is another column all together. It’s Bilbo! Bilbo! Bilbo Baggins!!!


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