Remember when Shaq released rap albums? And remember when everyone understood that a basketball star with no musical talent recording an album was an idea so bad whoever thought of it should have shot himself on the spot? Well, looks like not everyone agreed after all. Recent NBA champ Ron Artest follows Shaq’s lead with his new rap song. If anything, it’s even worse. Watch it below or, better yet, trick a hated co-worker into watching it.
Saying that Artest’s recent performance of “Champion” on Lopez Tonight is bad doesn’t do justice to the true extent of its awfulness. He drops oxymoronic (emphasis on the moronic) lines like “Clap your hands for the champion / Moment of silence for the champion.” He forgets to remove his Bluetooth headset before he went onstage. His three hypemen display an utter lack of enthusiasm, perhaps because they’re busy considering alternative career options.
Depressingly, this isn’t even Artest’s first foray into music. That came in 2006 with My World, an album featuring such oddly-titled songs as “Workin’ the Pole” (umm…). Then there was last year’s Michael Jackson tribute “Michael, Michael, You My Nigga.”
While those were bad, a television performance suggests a new level of mainstream enabling. Yes, I realize he won the championship, but does that give him carte blanche to follow his every whim? “Sure, Ron, of course you can punch my grandmother.” “Yeah, Ron, this bunny would definitely look better if you ripped off its ear and beat a baby with it.” “You’re right, Ron, a song where you rap questionable sporting metaphors really slowly is a terrific idea.”
