Broken wrists at Christmas, Alvin & The Chipmunks, Sony Walkman cassette players. These are a five-year-old’s kind of memories, no? Childhood can be traumatic or dull, it has its share of bullies, beer-swilling BBQ scenarios, and bad birthdays occasionally fitting the tropes of a sitcom or an episode of Rescue 911. Kids wish for “cool parents” who spoil them or let them get away with more, but raising children requires a certain demeanor, a balance of patience and firmness. I’m no traditionalist. I don’t prop up Santa, attend church, or bar my child from entertaining music. I also don’t let a three-year old girl beat up grown men (though the idea does make me laugh my ass off).
Psychopathic Records is home to a bevy of artists, all with their own shtick, all with varying degrees of talent, and, I admit, this is not the first time a rap mogul has had a familial take on the role of protege, but the five-year-old son of ICP’s Violent J, known as the anti-climactic Violent JJ (clever), is not on Bow Wow’s former Lil level by a long shot. This premature heir to the ninja clown patriarchy is subject to debate, not on the basis of bloodline, but because, if I were him, I’d disown the family name, sue for being exploited, and go write rhymes for Raffi.
This is not rap. Violent JJ’s sparse lyrics are looped as annoyingly as the beat he’s been given. You might argue that he’s too young to patronize, but this is more an indirect critique of his father’s definite lack in the commonsense department. This, my friends, is a rap video that name drops his little sister Ruby (who is adorable, by the way) and sounds like something easily mistaken for an accidental Internet meme (“Miracles”, anyone?).
You know what? I can’t even legitimize this, just…just watch. Talk whatever smack you like. I’m an ICP fan all the way, and even I cannot endorse this. Hell, JCW is embarrassing enough. Think Corgan will start doing jingles for them, too?