Some call it the “Oscars for youth,” but realistically, the MTV Video Music Awards (VMAs) feel more like crack for gossipers. Controversy! Chaos! Glam! Anything can happen. It used to be waiting anxiously for Madonna’s next “big move,” whether it was her flashing some ass or offering some tongue. (Gross? Hardly.) Nowadays, it’s more about who’s going to screw up, what will be the grand upset, and, admittedly, who’s going to be the next “Kanye.” Keywords, people: sex and drama.
But that’s always been the case with the VMAs. Wait, you don’t actually think it’s a special award? Gimme a break. It’s a moon man. Can you even remember last year’s winner? Let alone those in the ’90s? Didn’t think so. But, you’ll always recall how Krist Novoselic attempted to give himself a concussion with his bass or Britney Spears’ dazzling skin-colored wardrobe or that one dude from Rage Against the Machine rebelling by, um, climbing a stage ornament. Or, wait, was that the MTV Movie Awards? Hmm. Whatever the case, it’s the exploits that stick with us, not the wins.
Still, it doesn’t hurt to offer some predictions, right?
-Michael Roffman
President/Editor-in-Chief
Best New Artist
Who Should Win?
Tyler, The Creator – “Yonkers” – The Odd Future honcho took a classic hip-hop video concept of one shot/one room/one dude (see: D’Angelo’s “Untitled“), and added a demented twist on it. And now I cannot listen to this beat without thinking of Tyler hanging himself.
Who Should Not Win?
Kreayshawn – “Gucci Gucci” – If I have to see one more video of people flaunting their shit at Los Angeles clubs, I’m going to shoot my television and beat that MTV astronaut over the head with his own flag.
Who Will Win?
Wiz Khalifa – “Black and Yellow” – Within this four-minute video, Wiz comes off as charming (he still lives with his mom), a baller (he drives a sick car), and the video’s photography is outstanding (note the shot of him on the b-ball court with his name written in chalk). It seems like the Taylor Gang can hold a block party with no problem, so it also seems like they could win this award… no problem. You know what it is. -Ted Maider
Best Pop Video
Who Should Win?
Adele – “Rolling in the Deep” – Between her booming voice and globs of talent, Adele is rewriting the rules of what great pop has to be in order to obtain success. You go, girlfriend.
Who Shouldn’t Win?
Bruno Mars – “Grenade” – For emotional inconsistency, for hackneyed lyrical efforts, and for that poof haircut, we award Bruno Mars’ “Grenade” with this prestigious award. It also comes with a free phone card so you can call Janelle Monae and learn how to be a proper retro act.
Who Will Win?
Katy Perry – “Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F.)” – Don’t ever discredit the Rebecca Black Bump. Ever. -Chris Coplan
Best Rock Video
Who Should Win?
The Black Keys – “Howlin’ For You” – It’s not a music video. It’s a Grindhouse homage with Tricia Helfer, Sean Patrick Flanery, Shaun White, Corbin Bernsen, and “Sir” Todd Bridges. The only thing more badass would be if you dressed The Black Keys up in mariachi outfits and gave them a Shake Weight and a guitar with a hidden chainsaw. Oh, wait…
Who Should Not Win?
Foster the People – “Pumped Up Kicks” – Ok, the song is unstoppably catchy and everyone loves it, but the video amounts to nothing but a bunch of people walking around doing stuff. And not even interesting, rock band stuff — literally just walking around and doing random stuff. Waste of the lyrics’ visual potential.
Who Will Win?
Foo Fighters – “Walk” – They’ll take it if for no other reason than they’re the most MTV-friendly of the nominees. Not that they don’t deserve it. It’s cathartic watching Dave Grohl flip out on life’s little irritations like we all wish we could, and his facial expressions are priceless from beginning to electrifying end. -Ben Kaye
Best Male Video
Who Should Win?
Eminem feat. Rihanna – “Love the Way You Lie” – When you tap Dominic Monaghan and Megan Fox for your video and get upwards of 360 million views on YouTube making it the fourth most viewed video of all time (because the VMAs nowadays are essentially recognition of YouTube multi-millionaires), it’s hard not to be a shoo-in. Guess it helps that this is one of the better songs nominated, too.
Who Should Not Win?
Justin Beiber – “U Smile” – 47 million views on YouTube? Please.
Who Will Win?
Cee Lo Green – “Fuck You” – Even though the original version with the lyric crawl was 10x better, Cee Lo’s retro kitsch heartbreak video still has enough charm left after a year to woo the masses. -Jeremy D. Larson
Best Female Video
Who Should Win?
Beyoncé – “Run the World (Girls)” – “Run the World (Girls)” was Beyoncé’s charged return, bringing the best of her message of female empowerment. An apocalyptic backdrop gave fierce a whole new meaning with numerous costume changes, explosions, and the support of an army of girls displaying Beyoncé’s signature moves.
Who Should Not Win?
Adele – “Rolling in the Deep” – Compared to her flashy counterparts, Adele’s somber seated video is more suited for an award show that actually matters.
Who Will Win?
Lady Gaga – “Born This Way” – It’s hard to top the Gaga-created galaxy that combines the best of her over-the-top visuals with top-notch dance moves. With her supportive little monsters behind her, this flashy and all-over-the-place video fits right in with the VMAs. -Lauren Rearick
Best Hip-Hop Video
Who Should Win?
Kanye West feat. Rihanna and Kid Cudi – “All of the Lights” – “WARNING: This video has been identified by [the British organization] Epilepsy Action to potentially trigger seizures for people with photosensitive epilepsy.” What else needs to be said?
Who Shouldn’t Win?
Chris Brown – “Look at Me Now” – Best hip-hop video? Nah, but if there were a category for best hyphyjerkingetcrunkandcrankdat video, this would easily be the victor.
Who Will Win?
Nicki Minaj – “Super Bass” – Minaj appeals to teenage girls, and since that demographic watches a whole lot of MTV, “Super Bass” is the obvious favorite. Hell, this video could be a remake of David Hasselhoff’s “Hooked on a Feeling” clip, and I’d pick it to win. -Mike Madden
Best Video With a Message
Who Should Win?
Lady Gaga – “Born This Way” – A truly great message is displayed in a new and cliche-free format. Plus, intergalactic childbirth is going to one day replace water births.
Who Should Not Win?
Eminem feat. Rihanna – “Love the Way You Lie” – Wait, doesn’t everybody already know how terrible domestic violence is? Has no one seen that PSA with Keira Knightley?!
Who Will Win?
Lady Gaga – “Born This Way” – Do you not understand just how powerful and amazing intergalactic childbirth is? -Chris Coplan
Best Collaboration
Who Should Win?
Kanye West feat. Rihanna and Kid Cudi – “All of the Lights” – Nothing shone brighter than this all-star clip. Plus, The Throne’s “Otis” missed the cutoff for consideration.
Who Should Not Win?
Katy Perry feat. Kanye West – “E.T.” – Between Kanye West’s terrible verse, which he surely wrote on the toilet, and the faux artistic makeup, all copies of this video should be shot into the farthest depths of space. Better luck next time with your Lady Gaga Lite routine, Ms. Perry.
Who Will Win?
Nicki Minaj feat. Drake – “Moment 4 Life” – On star power alone, Minaj and Drake will capture the award. Plus, who doesn’t enjoy reminiscing about when both were still up-and-comers. Ah, late last year… -Chris Coplan
Best Video of the Year
Who Should Win?
Tyler, The Creator - “Yonkers” - Not that I really want to see Tyler’s id stroked by another accolade, but it’s the only video on the ballot that separates itself by being simple, personal, and affecting. But, above all, this video is actually shocking — making it a precious artifact from the year that Odd Future tried to manufacture shock.
Who Should Not Win?
Katy Perry – “Firework” – It’s a modern retelling of the Grease parable, only instead of painting yourself like a whore to fit in at Rydell High, you shoot fireworks out of your titties.
Who Will Win?
Beastie Boys – “Make Some Noise” – With more “Oh hey, it’s that guy from that one thing I like” cameos than samples on Paul’s Boutique, MCA, Ad Rock, and Mike D are the underdogs who, fueled by star power and years of seminal music videos, will gladly accept the award despite being far too established and talented to give one simple fuck about any of this. –Jeremy D. Larson
