2012 Annual Report: The Leftovers


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Welcome to the end of 2012, and possibly the world as a whole if you’re so inclined to believe.

Once again, we’ve taken the stray thoughts that fell through the cracks in our Annual Report and compiled them into one (hopefully) comedic list. As my esteemed colleague Jeremy Larson wrote last year, “Year-end summaries, lists, recaps, and reports are just study guides for an exam that’s never happening, you guys.”

True, but by listing things and poking a little fun, we’re doing our part to remind you that the music industry can be a pretty funny place. We’re also encouraging you to stay on your toes through the endless cavalcade of weird on this wacky round ball we call Earth. So, please, enjoy our attempts to illicit a few chuckles, and if we’re really doing our job, that kind of laugh that makes your sides ache.

-Chris Coplan
News Editor

Best Festival Lineup That Didn’t Happen: UR1 Festival

Best Reunion: Run-DMC

Worst Reunion: Spice Girls

Most Forgettable Reunion: Goodie Mob

Best New Twitter User: Neil Young

Best Music Parody Twitter Accounts:  @noisepark, @djscomplaining

Best Music-Related Tumblr: What if Adele was Mrs. Doubtfire?

Second Best Music-Related Tumblr: Kanye Wes Anderson

Overachiever of the Year Who Refuses To Admit It: Ty Segall

Who owes us money because they bet that My Bloody Valentine’s album would be out in 2012? Alex Young

Most Annoying Musician to Cover in 2012: The Flaming Lips

Most Annoying Musician In General in 2012: Cee-Lo Green

Musician Featured in the Best Shaving Cream Commerical: André 3000

Biggest Buzz Kill: US State Department for canceling Andrew W.K.’s diplomatic mission to the Middle East. Will there ever be peace, parties?

The coolest website if you miss-type

The Most Unappreciated Man in Music Second Only to Jimmy Fallon’s Music Booker: Zane Lowe

Best Rapper Turned Executive Producer of Video Game: Jay-Z

Best Rapper Turned Festival Curator: Jay-Z

Best Rapper Turned NBA Mascot: Jay-Z

Best Video of a Rapper Riding the Subway: Jay-Z

Biggest Blow to Romney Presidential Campaign: Devo’s song about his dog

The one R&B singer who doesn’t want to remember 2012: Omarion

Worst Song Of The Year by virtue that it was recorded by the The Worst Person Of The Year: Chris Brown’s “Don’t Judge Me”

Best new song connection that Jeremy D. Larson made: Alabama’s “I’m In A Hurry (And Don’t Know Why)” sounds like Frightened Rabbit’s “In Living Colour”

Song that could go on forever if we had our druthers: Mind Spiders’ “Wait for Us”

Most innovative album release scheme: Animal Collective’s Centipede Hz

Best Quiz: Who said it: James Joyce or Kool Keith?

If you wish pop songs were drone songs, then you should have definitely listened to: Now That’s What I Call Drone! Vol 1 

What happened to DONDA? No idea.

Last Call with Carson Daly is still on television.

Did Alex Young really buy a bootleg copy of Frank Ocean’s channel ORANGE? Yes, yes he did.

The Most Annoying Part of This Job: Rappers who drop music after 5:00 p.m.

Music Festival With the Best Website: Future Music Festival

Luckiest Guy of the Year: Nelly

Unluckiest Guy of the Year: Nelly’s fall guy

Biggest Lesson of 2012: Never ever ever drive through Sierra Blanca, TX

Best Cat Rapper of 2012: KeKe The Adopted Tabby Cat

Best Headline of 2012: Bat Pisses in Torche Guitarist’s Eye

Most Turbulent Music Festival: Culture Collide Festival

Fun fact: Bob Mould fans also love Todd Rundgren: We found out that fast.

Best Eff You to Big Business: The Black Keys vs. Pizza Hut and Home Depot

Best Smelling Musician: Bonnie ‘Prince’ Billy

Best Repurposing of a Whiskey Barrel by… Justin Vernon

Top Three Names For Nirvana/Paul McCartney Group: 1. Sirvana; 2. Maccavana; 3. Nirveatles

Best Synergy Between Rap and Xmas since Run-DMC’s “Christmas in Hollis”: Sufjy’s Xmas rap tape

Best Career Turnaround: Balloon Boy joins metal band

Best Album Titled Derived From A Christian-Themed Children’s Fantasy Book: Marnie Stern’s The Chronicles of Marnia

Least Gangster Moment of 2012: Rick Ross cancels concerts

Best Use of Flash Certification: Atoms for Peace’s Easter Egg

Best Thing To Happen To Croatia Since Reign of Tomislav: Ultra Music Festival

Best Case of Turning Lemons to Lemonade: Wayne Coyne selling his gold grenade

Most Expensive Box Set… Ever: The Residents’ $10,000 fridge thing

Best Boxset: Peter Gabriel’s So 25th Anniversary Immersion Box Set

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Best Pussy Rings:

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Best Ponytail:

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Best Wig:

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Best Smile:

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Best Justin Bieber-Related Meme:

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Worst Justin Bieber-Related Meme:

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Most Cheerful Holiday Sweater:

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Most Metal Condiment:

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Best Rock Star Halloween Costume: Katy Perry and Shannon Woodward as Jane Lane and Daria

 2012 Annual Report: The Leftovers

The Musican With The Best Life:

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The Musician With The Worst Life:

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The Musician Probably Taking Performance Enhancing Drugs:

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The Greatest GIF of 2012 All Time:

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Best Late Night Performance: Fiona Apple w/ The Roots on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

Best SNL Performance: Frank Ocean

Worst SNL Performance: Lana Del Rey

Best Surprise On-Stage Collaboration: Chris Martin and Michael Stipe

Best Guest Appearance by a Musician on Portlandia: Joanna Newsom

Best Bizarre Spontaneous Performance Fueled By Annoyance: Bradford Cox’s hour-long rendition of “My Sharona”

Best White House Performance: Janelle Monáe

Best Gossip Girl Cameo: No Doubt

Papa Grant’s Worst Nightmare: Pussy Cola

Best Cat Video:

Worst Fan Cover:

Best Use of Film Splicing:

Remember that crazy rain storm at Lollapalooza?

Best Music Video about a Bar Mitzvah:

Tallest Guest Tambourine Player:

Best Talking Heads cover by from a singer in a dog suit: