It’s been an incredible year for unbelievable headlines. Seriously, it seems like the unthinkable happens each and every day in 2013, whether it’s reunion gigs with The Replacements; a new single by a Kim Deal-less Pixies; actual tangible albums released by My Bloody Valentine, David Bowie, Daft Punk, and Boards of Canada; a reality that involves Kanye’s offspring; and a return to the road by Dave Chappelle. By year’s end, we might be out of stories to report on — then again, anything’s possible.
For example…
David Lynch severs ties with David Lynch after epileptic seizure
-Michael Roffman
Samsung post 500,000 copies of Magna Carta Holy Grail on Craigslist.
-Drew Litowitz
TLC re-record “Waterfalls” with Starscream
-Chris Coplan
Daft Punk plays surprise set at Newport Folk Festival.
-Ben Kaye
Daft Punk goes acoustic at Newport surprise set. Crowd screams “Judas” (French for “Judas”)
-Alex Young
Drake attractive, knows it
-Randall Colburn
North West heads South due to uncomfortable samples featured on Yeezus
-Sam Willett
The Smiths reunite at Glastonbury
-Michael Roffman
Rolling Stone hires St. Bernard puppy as CFO
-Dan Caffrey
Kanye West prays to self for peaceful resolution to Cairo protests
-Randall Colburn
Still no goddamn fucking Misfits reunion
-Chris Coplan
Axl Rose announces formation of exploratory committee for possible 2014 senate run
-Dan Pfleegor
Andrew W.K. to attempt world record in just fucking with all of us now.
-Steven Arroyo
Jay-Z buys rights to Alice in Chains and Soundgarden, never has to write lyrics again
-Randall Colburn
Johnny Marr quits The Smiths
-Michael Roffman
Rick Rubin defeats J Mascis in wizard duel atop Isengaard
-Sasha Geffen
Kanye West projects long-awaited baby photos on burned down Red Lobster in Great Neck, NY
-Chris Coplan
Stephin Merritt spills mustard on t-shirt, shrugs
-Randall Colburn
Obama urges those affected by wildfires to “find hope in Yeezus.”
-Dan Pfleegor
The Smiths release new Johnny Marr-less single
-Michael Roffman
Jay-Z teams up with Nabisco for line of Hov-eos
-Chris Coplan
People start talking about Lana Del Rey again, maybe
-Drew Litowitz
Cobain’s ghost: “Actually, DIIV guy is the only person who ever truly understood Nevermind.”
-Steven Arroyo
Franz Ferdinand still trying
-Randall Colburn
Ray Manzarek kicked out of heaven for sneaking into Forever 27 Club
-Dan Caffrey
Bill Simmons split on new Pixies song, blames Doc Rivers
-Michael Roffman
GQ highlights must-have garments and accessories for upcoming Yeezus season.
-Drew Litowitz
Listen to Mariah Carey and Miguel’s “#Beautiful” re-recorded in Klingon
-Chris Coplan
M.I.A. releases new song, “ARRRGGGHHHHH”
-Randall Colburn
Morrissey on Nick Cave’s new doc: “I’ve lived 40,000 days. Fuck your mother.”
-Michael Roffman
Empire of the Sun watch Dumb and Dumberer, drop out of Dumb and Dumber To
-Chris Coplan
Jay-Z photographed with iPhone, dropped by Samsung
-Alex Young
Beyoncé files for divorce
-Alex Young