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The Smiths’ Meat Is Murder: A Valentine’s Day Drinking Game for Singles

Because we're in this together.

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The Smiths’ Meat Is Murder is celebrating its 30th anniversary this Valentine’s Day week. We single folk here at Consequence of Sound wish to help you appropriately toast this occasion, with or without a friend, and present to you the Meat Is Murder drinking game for singles. Please always remember to interpret Consequence of Sound drinking games responsibly and note that you’ll need to play this game with the following: Beefeater Crown Jewel London Dry Gin and tonic.

01. “The Headmaster Ritual”

Flip a coin every time Morrissey sings “Hoo-la-la-la-la-la-la-lie-yeay.” Drink if it’s heads.

02. “Rusholme Ruffians”

On every “but my faith in love is still devout” in the chorus, drink once if you feel like you can’t relate, twice if you can.

03. “I Want the One I Can’t Have”

Pause the album, and play the entire Whitney Houston couples drinking game by yourself, imagining you’re playing with the one you can’t have.

04. “What She Said”

Take as many drinks as the number of words used in the sentence with which you were last dumped.

05. “That Joke Isn’t Funny Anymore”

What do you say to singles on Valentine’s Day? “Happy Independence Day.” Drink if that joke isn’t funny anymore.

06. “Nowhere Fast”

Leisurely sip your drink.

07. “Well I Wonder”

At the lyric “Well I wonder, do you see me when we pass? I half die” (0:42), cease leisure-sipping and start violently downing your drink. Oxygen breaks allowed on every “gasping, dying, but still alive.”

08. “Barbarism Begins at Home”

Take off your shirt and pour the remainder of the bottle over yourself.

09. “Meat Is Murder”

Cry.

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