Any form of sexual assault is wrong, but forgive us if we have a little less sympathy for Donald “Grab Them By the Pussy” Trump. Years ago, the serial sexual predator was himself a victim (?) of inappropriate contact at the
hands genitals of Moby.
In his new memoir, Then It Fell Apart, the electronic music producer detailed the drunken prank he pulled on Trump in 2001. At the time, Moby was deep in the throes of addiction, and he admits that his recollection of the incident is murky at best. But as Moby best remembers it, he and two friends, Lee and Clarice, attended a “generic launch party” on New York’s Park Avenue in 2001. It was there that they encountered the future president.
“Moby, go knob-touch Donald Trump,” Lee said.
“Really?” I asked. “Should I?”
Donald Trump was a mid-level real-estate developer and tabloid-newspaper staple whose career had recently been resuscitated by a reality-TV show.
“Yeah,” Dale said.
“Yeah,” Clarice said, mischievously.
“Shit,” I said, realizing I now had to knob-touch Donald Trump.
I drank a shot of vodka to brace myself, pulled my flaccid penis out of my pants, and casually walked past Trump, trying to brush the edge of his jacket with my penis. Luckily he didn’t seem to notice or even twitch.
I walked back to my friends and ordered another drink. “Did you do it?” Clarice asked.
“I think so. I think I knob-touched Donald Trump.”
Update October 1st: In the end, this might not be Moby’s most damaging brush with Trump. It was recently revealed he had a hand in connecting a whistleblower with potentially damaging information about the Trump Organization’s ties to Deutsche Bank to Representative Adam Schiff, Chairman of the House Intelligence Committee.