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Billie Eilish discusses history with depression, suicidal thoughts

"I genuinely didn’t think I would make it to 17," she explains

Billie Eilish 2018 depression mental health tour dates tickets Billie Eilish, photo by Amy Price
Billie Eilish, photo by Amy Price
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Rocketing to fame the way Billie Eilish has doesn’t always mean it was easy. In a new interview, Eilish revealed that her depression was so bad in 2018 that, while on tour, she contemplated taking her own life.

Eilish sat down with Gayle King for an interview on The Gayle King Grammy Special at the end of 2019 — just before the pop star turned 18 — to preview the 2020 Grammys. During the interview, Eilish spoke candidly about her battle with depression and the importance of addressing mental health. “I was so unhappy last year,” said Eilish. “I was so unhappy, and I was so, like, joyless. I don’t want to be dark, but I genuinely didn’t think I would make it to 17.”

When King asked her if she ever thought about harming herself, Eilish responded honestly about a moment in 2018. “Yeah. I think about this one time I was in Berlin and I was alone in my hotel… and I remember there was a window right there,” she said. “I remember crying because I was thinking about how the way that I was going to die was. I was going to do it.” Watch clips from the interview below.

(Read: 10 Most Anticipated Pop Albums of 2020)

Because she knows how tough a spot it is to be in, Eilish is insistent that her fans refrain from letting depression take control of their lives. As a pop star with comparative influence, she sought to offer them hope: “I just grab them by the shoulders and I’m like, ‘Please take care of yourself and be good to yourself and be nice to yourself. Don’t take that extra step and hurt yourself further.’”

Eilish has received fame and accolades en masse since 2018, but she’s still occasionally dealing with mental health struggles. If anything, it only makes her accomplishments all the more worth applauding. As our 2019 Artist of the Year, Eilish dropped her debut album and our favorite album of the year, When We All Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go?, she stormed TV shows, and she personally helped the vinyl resurgence. It’s no wonder she was asked to write and record the next James Bond theme song — making her the youngest artist to ever do so.

Starting in March, Billie Eilish will begin her lengthy North American tour dates. The tour include stops at music festivals like Hangout, Mad Cool, NOS Alive, and Lollapalooza Paris. Grab tickets to all of her upcoming concerts here.

 

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