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Ted Cruz Challenges Ron Perlman to a Wrestling Match

Texas' senator offers to sponsor a fight between the Hellboy actor and Congressman Jim Jordan

Ron Perlman and Ted Cruz
Ron Perlman and Ted Cruz
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Ted Cruz, a sitting Republican Senator in Texas, gets upset about the dumbest things. Make fun of his wife’s looks? He’ll phone bank on your behalf. Suggest he’s not an American citizen? He’ll support you on the campaign trail. Accuse his father of being involved in JFK’s assassination? He’ll vote against your impeachment. But if you mock a congressman who has been credibly accused of covering up a sexual abuse scandal while working as a college wrestling coach — well, that crosses the line for ol’ Ted.

After Hellboy actor Ron Perlman called Congressman Jim Jordan “the ugliest politician walking,” Cruz responded by offering to sponsor a fight between the two. “Listen Hellboy. You talk good game when you’ve got Hollywood makeup & stuntmen. But I’ll bet $10k—to the nonpolitical charity of your choice—that you couldn’t last 5 min in the wrestling ring w/ @Jim_Jordan w/o getting pinned,” Cruz tweeted. “You up for it? Or does your publicist say too risky?

Perlman retorted by noting the irony of glorifying Jordan’s wrestling history, given the fact he has been credibly accused of covering up a sexual abuse scandal while coaching at the Ohio State. The actor then challenged to fight Cruz himself, adding that he’ll “give 50k to Black Lives Matter and you can keep all the tax payer money you were thinking of spending.”

Cruz chose not to acknowledge Perlman’s challenge, instead opting for the kind of shitty and unimaginative insults you’d expect to come from a dweeb like Ted Cruz. “I get it, you’re rich. But, apparently, soft. You sure seem scared to wrestle Jordan (whom you keep insulting). Can’t take the heat? Need to get a manicure?”

40 million Americans are unemployed and stand to lose their unemployment benefits next month, all while coronavirus cases are spiking in states that opened early. Black Americans are literally marching for their lives following a string of harrowing murders carried out by white police officers. And the sitting president of the United States gassed peaceful protestors, and then lied about it. And yet Ted Cruz is choosing to focus his efforts on being an amateur wrestling promotor.

We are living in the dumbest timeline.

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